Time-Bomb

When I was a kid, my walls were plastered with posters. As I grew older, my tastes changed and these posters reflected that. My parents were…quietly understanding when it came to puberty, so when I put up the occasional babe-in-a-bikini poster, there was no uproar. My mom just didn’t mention it, while my father tended to linger if he came into my room for something. These posters, along with the others, were packed up and forgotten when I left home, destined to sit, forgotten, in a sealed box in the attic of my parent’s home.

When my folks moved to Canada recently, it came time to get all those boxes of toys and various junk out of that attic and into my house, where I’ve been going through them, throwing some toys away while keeping others. I had a huge toy collection, so it’s been a slow- and surprising- process. I had a Chuck Norris action figure? Really?

Anyway, when we got to the poster box, the Mrs. and I went through it with the usual interest reserved for the other boxes. Each poster was a different walk down memory lane.

Here’s a poster of a Lamborghini Countach, a car that seemed so futuristic in the ’80’s.

Tick.

And here’s a poster of an Sr-71 Blackbird. Man, weren’t they neat?

Tick.

And here’s a poster of The Tick, bought shortly before I moved out.

Tick.

And here’s a poster of a busty blonde bimbo.

BOOM!

I held it in my hands, my wife behind me gazing upon it. It was from the late 80’s I guess, a blonde girl in some kind of ridiculous bikini-shorts-mesh shirt-fingerless glove combo. I probably got it at Spencer’s or somewhere like that.

It was during puberty, dammit! Who are you to judge me?!

Anyway, this photographic time-bomb opened that classic Riddle of The Sphinx that females since the dawn of time have been asking of us men (and most of us here at this blog are men, or something close):

“Do you think she’s pretty?”

(There are variations, but it’s all the same question essentially… a question which has no un-booby-trapped answer. Hehe… “boobies”.)

The sweating started. “No.”

“You liar!”

“Well, I thought she was pretty, back when I got the poster.”

Silence.

“Well, I guess I thought she was pretty at the time, but not now. Look at her, she’s got feathered ’80’s hair. She might as well have been in Whitesnake.”

“You thought she was pretty? Look at her. She’s hideous.”

Truthfully, she wasn’t attractive to me, not now. My tastes have matured. I prefer redheads and brunettes over blondes now. I grew to prefer character and personality in the faces of who I’m attracted to (this leads to an ongoing thing between my wife and I: how could I have ever found Gillian Anderson sexy? My answer:

Giggity!)

Anyway, it could have turned into a full blown thing, with many variations: “If you think she’s pretty, and she’s ugly, and you think I’m pretty, then I must be ugly too if you find ugly women attractive” (got that?), or “How could you find me pretty when you like girls built like that and I’m not”, etc. It’s a classic male-vs-female struggle that will rage until the earth falls into the sun.

But it didn’t turn into that. I defused it. I told her, with all honesty, that without a doubt no one is as beautiful to me in the world as she is. She’s the new measuring-stick for beauty in my eyes. I didn’t know what beauty was before her, and no one is as beautiful in the world as she is to me, and no one ever will be. For once, the argument didn’t rage and go on for a while, and that poster, and the others, are in the garbage.

(Thank God I threw out the Playboys years ago.)

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Published in: on July 6, 2007 at 8:57 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. LOL!!!

    Great post man!

    And btw… is it me or does the Blackbird look like the Cobra Nightraven?!

  2. Hell, yeah. I always thought that.

    Cobra DID have the better looking stuff, didn’t they?

  3. They always did bro.

    The Rattler
    The Buzzboar
    The Pogo
    The BUGG
    The various HISS tanks
    The ASP
    The Stinger

    And the BARONESS…. *GROWL*

  4. Giggity.


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