Our Cast Of Thousands

To say my wife and I are animal lovers is a bit of an understatement. We may have a child one day, but since we became a couple, we’ve been all about the animals. They’re our “kids”. We share our house with a brood of beasts, each with a distinct personality and bizarre traits. Let me introduce you… (Warning: f-words ahead)

Our first animal was Missy. My wife wants a Saint Bernard, and the animal shelter had her labeled as such. 7 years later, we’re still waiting for her to change into a Saint Bernard. Apparently, she’s a foxhound (that looks just like her on that link, by the way), and she’s a total priss. She likes to sit, paws crossed, and regard everybody in the house as an underling and a lower being. This is in total opposite to her bodily functions: she loudly burps and farts more than anybody I’ve ever know… human or animal.

Duncan is a German Shepherd mix. He was rescued from a dumpster by a family friend. My parents took him in, then we took him when he didn’t get along with their dogs. He gets along fine with our animals, though, and we’ve never had any problems with him. He looks like a teddy bear, and has a super sweet disposition. The only weird thing about him is that he’s very food-centric. He’ll stare at our plates as if he’s trying to use the Force to levitate our food into his mouth, licking his lips the entire time.

Fokker is our little old black Chihuahua. We found him wandering around my in-laws’ neighborhood, and we think he was abused by whoever owned him before us.

We named him “Fokker” , not after the biplane, but because I wouldn’t let my wife name him “Fucker” (this was based on an initial reaction to his personality- “a little fucker”). How can I explain this… if Fokker was a movie character, he would be the Gimp from “Pulp Fiction”.

FokkerA visual aide.

He’s weird. He’s dirty. He likes to curl up on your lap and sleep while you watch TV, though. He’s cute, in a “so ugly he’s cute” way.

Our cats were found on the street, too. Tippy is a black cat with a white spot on his throat; he looks like a priest. He’s scary-affectionate: he’ll come up to you and sit and STARE, as if to say “Pet me, or I’ll cut you, man!” I always wanted a black cat when I was a kid. I finally get one, and he prefers my wife over me. Pfft!

No matter. “My” cat is Lillie, a white and grey puffball of a cat who seems to be perpetually a kitten, even though she’s about 5 years old. She tucks us in at night, lays at the foot of the bed on my side until I’m asleep, then comes back in before I wake in the morning to be there when we open our eyes. She’s easily the most lovable of our animals.

And that’s all there is, for now. I could tell you about the few animals we’ve had and have died, but that’s a tale for another time… (cue Conan music)

Published in: on June 1, 2007 at 1:21 am  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. My dog Rojo (Red)


  2. Does Rojo do much wrestling?

  3. LOL!! His signature move is the El Viento Roto (The Broken Wind….)

  4. I think Missy knows that one!

  5. Ah…I love animals! I have a cat, “Gordon”, which I adore…the perfect animal…very loving and playful, never makes a mess or is a pest.
    My wife, however, is not an “animal person”, which I don’t understand at all. She prefers people she can talk to….while I don’t see a huge difference.
    I don’t think I could have more than 1 pet indoors though….they’re a handful!


  6. Ours are amazingly well behaved and clean. I’m always shocked that our house is so clean and doesn’t look or smell like a barnyard! I guess we’ve been lucky so far.

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